The Enterprise “C”   Leave a comment

“Military log, Combat-date 43625.2. While investigating an unusual radiation anomaly reported by Starbase 105 the Enterprise has encountered what could almost be called a ghost from its own past… The Enterprise-C, the immediate predecessor of this battleship…”

GUINAN (to no one in particular) It’s changed… it’s all changed…

GUINAN (quiet yet urgent, to Capt. Picard) We need to talk. Now. It’s all wrong, Captain. This is not the way it’s supposed to be.

PICARD It’s the same bridge, Guinan. It hasn’t changed.

GUINAN I know that. And I also know… it’s wrong. This is a mistake. Every cell in my body knows this is a mistake. I cannot explain it to myself so I cannot explain it to you. I… just know.

GUINAN This war was never meant to be. They must return to their own time to correct that.

*   *   *

Yeah… yeah, Guinan, I appreciate where you’re coming from… April.. May.. June.. I’ve been living in this new place; August 15, 2012 will mark the 7th year of my incarceration in this snotty, pretentious, unfriendly, stuck-up, crummy little hicktown… An anniversary I promised myself faithfully, was not going to happen…

Every year, feeling more and more like, “The Prisoner”…

*   *   *

It’s been awhile since I posted last, Gentle Readers… I was sick among other things… I’ll do my best to be more regular, there is after all, a motive in my madness…

Let’s start here, shall we?

I am not happy with my situation. I am not happy with my life. I’m not happy with my progress since I came here, and I’m not happy with myself. I wanted super-heavy-duty changes to happen. Super-heavy-duty positive changes. I wanted them happening “now” (2005 we’re talking) and I wanted them happening fast.

1.    Transformation and Transcendence.
2.    Prosperity and Abundance

And they’re not happening, at all. They’ve been stubbornly not happening, since August 15, 2005, when I drove into my parent’s driveway, with a 3/4 ton cargo van, full of the remains of my life.

Mom and Dad are gone now.

And Reality just sits there, smirking at me like the uncooperative basilisk that it is… and like a basilisk, you’d be well advised, not to look it in the eye…

A BIG part of this, I suppose, is the desire for the miraculous. Ships that go faster than light, Doctor Who’s TARDIS which is bigger inside than outside… Or Lucy’s wardrobe that has a whole world inside…  An existence of wonder and delight… The way it should be…the desire to open my front door, and step into Tumnus’ wood…

And of course, on the other side of the front door isn’t Tumnus’ wood. It’s a cruddy little trailer park with a 30-amp power service which resulted in great difficulty getting my hovel insured, and I’d be well advised to ditch said hovel before it becomes impossible to get it insured.

And the only place to go, is into that snotty, pretentious, unfriendly, stuck-up, crummy little hicktown, where everything is so far apart a decent mass-transit system is pretty much untenable; you pretty much have to have a car, just to pick your nose. Christ Almighty, I miss Toronto, with its sticky summers and bitter-cold winters, the grid-lock and the broken-down subway, Christ Almighty, I miss Toronto, and wish I could be back there… living in that little duplex I found on Malton Avenue (Gerrard and Jones area) which I really liked, and Katherine (my realtor and long-time friend of the family) really liked.. And which I knew Jing, my then wife, would have really hated…

… The desire for the miraculous… Ships that go faster than light, Doctor Who’s TARDIS which is bigger inside than outside… Or Lucy’s wardrobe that has a whole universe inside…  An existence of wonder and delight… The way it should be…

But isn’t it anti-climactic, that my idea of the miraculous, is a decent life in Toronto, my little business off the ground, living in a duplex, east of Broadview, south of Danforth, with Jing reconciled and in my arms again… whom I’ve not seen or spoken to, for seven years and counting…

And whom I’ll very likely, never see again.

…Really, it’s a possibility fully as fantastic, as opening the front door of my hovel and finding myself in Tumnus’ wood…

Two Equally Implausible Realities:

College Street, Toronto, 2006.

East of Bathurst, west of Spadina…

I think…

This is what I’ve lost…

Versus – Tumnus in his wood..

Something I could never hope to find.

Where I find myself now of course, is at the inevitable result of a chain of events I set in motion in 2003, to save what I had before it was too late… lost it all anyway… Nothing to do with freaky stuff like spaceships flying out of anomalies or stepping into magic wardrobes. It’s exactly, the way it should be. Nothing magical or extraordinary about it.

But it’s still wrong.

All of it. I shouldn’t be here. Not like this. And there is no Enterprise C to send through the Temporal Rift to fix it… There is no “Q” to snap his fingers and make my reality right.

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Posted July 9, 2012 by Capt. Roy Harkness in Uncategorized

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